The Four Candles

It's late, its been a big day. We headed down to the metro for my son Keegan's hockey tournament for the MN Selects. Thinking of the whole day... as my goalie son skated on the ice and as always needs to make eye contact with his mom, making sure I'm watching, we share a glimpse of love between us... even at the age of 11. He's got a huge heart!
My oldest son Chandler, sitting next to me. (Wow has time flew by.) Such a great kid, supporting his younger brother today, laughing with his "old and un-cool" parents and just  hanging out. He can still give me an "I love you too" in public; yes!
Avah is at grandma's house having fun in the sun and calls me with her daily accomplishments... she is just such a blessing! Just love her! She is a mirror of her "special auntie."

As everyone is now in bed, I arrange all the now State Certified documents of our Dossier that we will send off in the early a.m.; the reality is... in about 2 weeks we are officially "expecting" child  number 4! Are we ready for this? Well, I'm not sure? Allan and I never really "planned"for having #4?  I was the one when all my friends dreamed of their possible future last names from high school romances... I really dreamed of New York City! And now, here we are and Allan is unexpectedly now searching for Ethiopian restaurants near by! So cute!  Oh how life changes. But I really questioned and panicked at each and every pregnancy... why should this be any different?

I looked at pictures of my family, my recent whole family, with my parents and my sister Katlyn as we were two Christmas's ago. They've been up there on the kitchen white board since she passed this last winter, I haven't had the courage to really look at them, read and take a look at them until really now, tonight. Tonight... I wanted to call her and tell her she's "going to be an auntie soon again"... she was the BEST...  but no phone number was going to reach her. But I DO KNOW she is aware and she must be  helping... I truly believe. This last Christmas she gave and wrote me a message, its a message that would give me a gift every day from then 'til always and it said... " Carrie~ For my sister who I Love and Adore and to who I will Always Admire. Love your sister, Katlyn."   These are the TRUE gifts!

On that same white board, I found another piece of paper that was given to me and now tonight I read it, I needed it most tonight I guess...
 Thank you Katlyn for still responding when I needed to call you the most...


The Four Candles


The "Four" Candles burned slowly.
Their Ambiance was so soft you could hear them speak...

The first candle said, "I am PEACE, but these days, nobody wants to keep me lit."
Then PEACE'S flame slowly diminishes and goes out completely.

The second candle says, "I am FAITH, but these days, I am no longer indispensable." Then FAITHS flame slowly diminishes and goses out completely.

The third candle spoke, "I am LOVE and I haven't the strength to stay lit any longer. People put me aside and dont understand my importance. They even forget to love those who are nearest to them."

And waiting no longer, LOVE goes out completely.

Suddenly... A child enters the room and sees the three candles no longer burning, The child begins to cry, "Why are you not burning? You are supposed to stay lit until the end?"

Then the FOURTH candle spoke gently,
"Don't be afraid, for I AM HOPE, and while I still burn, we can re-light the other candles."

With shining eyes the child took the Candle of HOPE and lit the other three candles.

Never let the Flame of HOPE go out of your Life.
With Hope,  no matter how bad things look and are... PEACE, LOVE, FAITH and HOPE can shine brightly in our lives.

Approved.... Moving Forward!

I am just quite emotional today and so thrilled! Elated! After going to our community garden this morning, cleaning our vegetables, I noticed the mail man came. I casually walked to the mailbox and amazingly saw an envelope from The Department of Homeland Security.... it came in 1 week!!! Our I- 600 approval for Orphan Petition from our fingerprints is here! (We were expecting 1 to 2 months possibly; nope 1 week!) I will drive down our Dossier papers to St. Paul for State Certification this week and then all of the last paperwork will be off to the Ethiopian Embassy!! We will be on the official "waiting list" soon! We are closer to seeing her face!


Emotions have been flying! This whole process is just like no other; its so hard to explain unless you go through it.  This whole journey has been about FAITH. This blog has been embraced by the word FAITH.
Faith is not only my daughter Avah's middle name but indeed the story and the basis of the strength in my life.
Definition of FAITH: Complete trust or confidence in someone (God) or something. Trusting acceptance and Gods' will. 
Our adoption news was not fully accepted or supported initially. I realize the intentions were not out of haste but out of "protecting us." We had just lost my adored sister Katlyn... was it too fast? Well the reality is, it was OUR FAITH that we needed to trust and listen too. Adoption was not a new topic for discussion in our home, actually it was a topic for many years between Allan and I! Well, it has been Gods Will for our family and we need to trust and have faith.
The emotional part is I truly believe Katlyn has been behind us on all of this. She has been the guiding light and the nudger. This time, this adoption... has been moving as willed for us. This summer has been very hard, lots of emotions and we just SO MISS HER!  But I can feel her in so many ways, I can actually hear her at times. I text my dad the news of our acceptance today and told him how we all have had such loss and this little girl (whom we dont know yet) will have had such loss as well... we will all need each other. My dad asked me when he first heard of our  adoption news, "Is this what is in your heart? In your heart, is this what you really want?" I replied with tear filled eyes, "Yes!" He replied, "Then its the right thing to do." Thank you Dad for that one line of support, I felt your unconditional love!


Thank you to my loving supportive husband, my open children, our family and friends. Thank you to our two special guardian angels... because of YOU we will continue to keep the FAITH!

Full table

It's the little moments that count. Last night, we had a nice Sunday night family dinner. Our normal tradition is to all hold hands and say a small short prayer and then we all share what we are thankful for that particular day. In years past, this may have included such things as "chocolate milk." "Thank you God for my chocolate milk"... funny, it all counts right? 
Anyways, my son Keegan made the nice comment that pretty soon our table will be full! Yep, he's right! We no longer will have that one empty chair, all seats will be full. I paused for a moment and looked around at my 3 beautiful children's faces as they laughed and poked fun at each other. How I cant wait to see the face of #4! What will she look like? Indeed not the blonde hair that my other 3 children have. (Yes, maybe I wont be the only NON- blonde in the family.) What will her name be? How old will she really be? Will she laugh and poke fun just the same? Indeed I cant wait.  All chairs will be full and the Karki family will be COMPLETE!  Its the little moments...

Please continue to pray for strength and faith for the journey we are all on.